The Well Mannered Dancer

"Mind your p's and q's!" I wasn't ever sure what the alphabet had to do with it but I did know that someone was reminding me to mind my manners! We use them dancing too. Here are some tips (in no particular order) on dancing with anyone regardless of age.

Be respectful. Politely ask someone to dance. Don't just stick your hand out at them or wave them onto the dance floor. If you don't want to dance at the moment, politely decline (I'm talking with my friends right now. I'll dance with you later or Sorry, I'm not dancing at the moment or Sorry, I promised this dance to someone else. I'll find you for the next one.) If you told someone you would dance with them later do make an effort to find them at some point in the evening for that dance. If you have told someone you are not dancing that song, it's polite to sit that one out.

Accidents happen! If you accidentally place your hand on a "forbidden zone" apologize immediately and make a real effort not to let it happen again. Partner dancing means touching but there are prescribed areas that are acceptable. Followers are especially sensitive to this.

Be aware of your partner's comfort zone. This is especially important to slower music when partners often dance quite a bit in closed position. Just because the couple next to you looks like they are trying to merge as one doesn't mean the person you are dancing with feels the same about doing that with you. If you feel any resistance from your partner during a dance you shouldn't try to bend them to your will.

Watch out for your partner on the floor-Followers you can do this too! Leaders should take care to protect their partners from being bumped, run into and stepped on but accidents can happen. Always apologize to your partner and the other dancers involved whether you feel it's your fault or not. A Follower can also pay attention to the dancers around her. Lindy Hop, especially, can move in many directions on the dance floor. A Follower can give her partner a verbal warning (especially if she see's someone behind the Leader who is about to move into the same space) or gently press his shoulder in a "hold back" signal or move her own body (when in open position) to avoid a collision. If you aren't sure what to do to avoid accidents ask your dance instructor about floor craft.

Don't wear out your welcome! If you discover that Sam or Susie Collegefreshman is a friendly dancer don't try to dominate their time all evening. One or two dances a night is enough.

Know your limitations!It's OK not to dance to the blazing tempos if you know it's going to make you uncomfortable. If you've asked someone to dance (or have already accepted a dance) before the music starts and you realize it's too fast for you, you can always apologize and ask for a rain-check in the future for a dance to a slower tempo. Do have dance buddies you can practice to faster tempos with. The same goes for slower tempos. If all you know how to do to slower music is the High School Two Step, take some classes that focus on slower dancing skills.

Avoid the Bear Hug dip. Some Leaders, thinking they are keeping their Followers safe during a dip, turn their Followers into their chest and hold on tight. Guys, it feels more like a big bear hug instead of a dip and sometimes it's very uncomfortable (on lots of levels). If you feel you need to hold on tight to every Follower you dip then check in with your technique.

Don't do the Dive Dip! Ladies, control yourself! Unless a Leader gives you the lead to fling yourself towards the floor, please be responsible for your own weight in a dip especially with someone you haven't danced with before. You can injure yourself and your Leader.

Air steps and aerials are for performances and jam circles. I know you just spent the weekend workshop learning those awesome tricks but please don't do them in the middle of a crowded dance floor and please don't do them with/to unsuspecting partners! Tricks like that take technique on the part of both partners and you could seriously hurt someone and yourself or an innocent bystander!

Practice good hygiene. Take a shower,wear clean clothes and deodorant. Brush your teeth. Don't eat spicy, garlicky, or strong smelling food before you go out to dance. You will be breathing it on your partners all night no matter how well you brush your teeth. Bring breath mints and if someone offers you one-take it! Don't wear heavy aftershave, cologne or perfume. Bring a change of shirts if you perspire a lot.

Compliment your partner if they do a fun move or if you enjoyed the dance.

Look at your partner. No, not stare at them, but look them in the eye from time to time while you are dancing. Smile at them, especially if they do something fun. Try to keep the negative thoughts you might be having about your own dancing at bay. We might be frowning at ourselves but our partner doesn't know that!

Continue to work on your dance skills. Old dogs CAN learn new tricks and besides, it's good for your brain and body.

Make friends of the dancers in your scene. People are more inclined to dance with people they know.

Accept rejection. Let's face it, there are going to be people out there who won't dance with you. Try not to take it too personally. If you've been appropriate in the way you handle yourself then it's going to be more about them than you. If you are being rejected often by different people then it's time to sit down with yourself or a good dance friend and have an honest conversation about the possible reasons why.

Know Your Limitations

Oh! my aching (insert body part here)! You don't have to be of a certain age to feel the affects of a spirited night of dancing. There are plenty of youngsters who complain just as loudly-it just goes with the territory. We can do some things to help minimize the discomfort though.

Stretch! Do some gentle stretching before and after you cut that rug. Yoga classes will give you more flexibility and help your body alignment.

Take ibuprofen, aspirin or the OTC painkiller of your choice before you go to that class or dance event.

When you get home, ice what ails you or apply heat. A hot shower or bath will relax you and help you sleep. My heating pad is my best friend.

Don't start busting out your biggest moves the moment you hit the dance floor. Have an easy going warm-up dance or two first.

If you have an injury or condition that limits your movement tell your partner-especially if you are a Follower. I have a shoulder that complains from time to time and I always let my partners know when that happens. I've never danced with a Leader who wasn't gracious enough to dance around my injury. Leaders, if back pain is a problem you might want to avoid that dip at the end.

If dancing Lindy Hop to fast music batters your body then work up to faster tempos slowly. You can also do some conditioning outside of the dance environment. Fast walking on a regular basis will increase your stamina; so will turning on faster music and doing simple footwork for the entire song. Do that to a few tunes everyday and I guarantee you will get faster. Learn Balboa!

You don't have to dance to every song. Sit one out and watch the other dancers or talk to your friends or meet new ones.

Keep working on your dance technique. Good technique will help you avoid injuries.

Do you have a "keep dancing" routine to share?

Ask and You Shall Receive

It's always hard to be the the new kid on the block-even at a friendly dance venue. It can be especially difficult for older dancers because of what we perceive as natural barriers; our age relative to the majority of dancers on the floor, our limited dance ability or knowledge if we are a beginning dancer, and the dreaded dirty old man/woman we fear we might be perceived as by dancing with people much younger than ourselves. I would venture to say that just about every new dancer has had one of those fears regardless of age. Older women sometimes have one more-the idea that the lady should always be asked, never the asker. These tips are for getting to know people at dance venues and are mainly for the beginning dancer-but not exclusively. I'll address some of the other issues in another post.

Most dance venues provide lessons or at least a drop-in lesson before the dance. Take the lesson, be sure to introduce yourself as you rotate partners and take note of the partners who give you a positive response. When the dancing starts ask some of those people to dance. You can also mention that you are new to the venue. Sometimes your partner will introduce you to others who will be fun to dance with.

When you are not dancing watch the dancers on the floor and look for someone you might want to ask to dance at some point in the evening. Check out the better dancers too. They are always inspiration and someday you'll be dancing with them!

If you are taking classes where there is no social dance afterward, find some dance buddies from your class and make plans to visit a dance venue together. There is comfort in numbers but be sure to ask new people at the venue to dance as well.

Be patient! Lindy Hop in particular is a very friendly dance scene and many of the people who come to dance also come to hang out with their friends. If you feel like you are being ignored it may just be that people don't know you yet. If you aren't dancing, find a friendly looking person, introduce yourself and ask them questions about the venue, how long they have been dancing, etc. It may take a little while before people get to know you but persistence will pay off. It's not about you personally, it's just a human thing.

Volunteer! Many dance venues rely on volunteers to do various jobs (work the door, set up, clean up, etc.) and often give the volunteers free admittance to the dance or free/reduced rate classes. You'll be helping the dance community and becoming a valuable part of it at the same time.

In Lindy Hop,the old rules about men only doing the asking went out the window a long time ago! If you are a woman, ASK! Yes, it's true we want to feel "chosen" some of the time but the quickest way to find friends to dance with is to do the asking in the beginning. I guarantee that in a little while, after some of those leaders see your charming smile and your enthusiasm, you will be asked to dance.

Continue to build on your dance skills. The better you become the more fun it will be for you to dance and be danced with!

Frankie Manning-Dancing Inspiration

This video is a tribute to Frankie Manning, The Ambassador of Lindy Hop. Frankie was one of the original Lindy Hoppers at the Savoy Ballroom who went on to a second career of reintroducing the dance to the world later in his life. He was teaching, dancing and traveling the globe spreading his own kind of joy and inspiration up until his death at the age of 94.

Too Old for Dance-in-the-Pants?

The short answer is no! If the music moves you then you can find a way to move. I've seen some amazing chair dancing done by 90 year olds. I don't think of age as chronological as much as where you are physically. I've seen some fit 60 somethings put couch potato 20 somethings to shame. If you have kept yourself somewhat physically active and don't have any major medical problems I say go for it! If you are not sure, then of course, see your doctor.There have been many studies that have proven the benefits of dancing for older people-not just for the body but for the mind and spirit as well. Dancing keeps you young!

The next step would be deciding which dance form to learn. My advice would be to go with the music that makes you want to pick up your feet and glide, bop, twist or wiggle around the floor. If you are dancing to music you love you will most likely stick with the dance. Go online and find a local dance venue, club or community college and sign up.

What are you waiting for?

Lindy Hop and Living Forward

"Can an old dog really learn new tricks?" That's what I asked myself 6 years ago as I bravely stepped into my first dance lesson at Lindy in the Park in San Francisco. My last experience partner dancing had been square dancing in gym class in high school over 30 years ago. But the happy music and happy dancers and swirling movement were irresistible. I jumped in and never looked back. It's been an amazing journey. I've been exposed to a dance form rich in American history, learned important life lessons and have become part of a community of people who have enriched my life in so many ways.

Along the way I have met other-ahemmm-older-dancers and have come to realize that sometimes we face issues that are somewhat different from those of dancers who come to Lindy Hop a little sooner on their life path. My aim is to support, entertain and introduce some of the terrific young-at-heart people I've come across in the Lindy community. While some of what will be posted here might seem age specific, I think much of what I hope to address will resonate with Lindy Hoppers and dancers of all ages. Free free to chime in with your thoughts and concerns.